Mile High Tweets – Updates I Wish I Could Have Posted During My Flight

• Note to self: do not try to move out of your house right before leaving to go travelling for months. You will lose your mind. Making 15 trips up and down the stairs carrying boxes to and from the car in the rain does not make for a fun day. Especially when you’re supposed to be at the airport in ½ hour.
• I have now stuffed the entirety of my life’s possessions into a 10’x10’ storage unit. I know people who have bathrooms bigger than this.
• The workers on the Great Wall of China would be proud to call me comrade, the way I placed each box ever so quickly and carefully on top of the next. The massive wall of boxes in Storage Unit #1052 might be around for centuries, too.
• Hailstorm on way to airport. People driving even stupider than they usually drive. Will I make my flight? It will not be the first time I “pull an O.J. (Simpson)” at the airport (caution: dating myself).
• Not sure what I did to piss off the travel gods, but they are angry. Very angry.
• Welcome to the Middle Seat! Back of plane, near the restroom, WITH a pregnant mother and toddler next to me? Sure, I’ll take it! Makes getting busted for the ounce of tequila I forgot to take out almost worth the 20 mins it took me to reassemble my meticulously packed carryon. I’ll have that drink now, thanks!
• I am now steeping in the wine I spilled all over the one pair of travel pants I brought for my month-long journey. Oh, and it’s all over my new jacket from Eddie Bauer, too. Crap.
• Envious of the 2 year old sleeping soundly next to me, taking up two seats, while the parents are off having a second honeymoon in the aisle behind me.
• This kid has got me trapped, what with his dangling arm draped so nobody can pass by. I can’t bust a move towards the restroom for fear of waking him up and the crying. Oh, the crying.
• I am unfazed by the crazy looks the flight attendants in particular are giving me as I spread myself into Warrior Two yoga pose in the middle of the aisle. #whatchyoulookinatpunk? I mean, it took all of my balance just to ninja my way across that dang toddler and his dangling appendages. I was like Catherine Zeta-Jones in that one movie.
• Just back from the bathroom and realize that I’m starting to look uncannily like the Black Swan character from the movie I just watched, what with the red glowing eyes and black circles. No make-up artist nominated for an Academy Award here. Nope, I’m a natural. What can I say?
• So many updates, yet still another 3.5 hours till touchdown in London. Can’t wait to crash The Royal Wedding Party! I’m pretty sure I can fashion quite the outfit out of this here British Airways blanket.
• Apparently it is not a part of the woman to my left’s culture to cover one’s mouth when hacking up a lung. I know. We’re all just one big happy family. Sharing is caring. Thank you.
• To the woman on my far, far left. Please stop opening the window shade and blinding us poor folks trying to sleep with a direct beam of light to the eyeballs every 15 mins. I’m sure the sun will still be out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar.
• Travel tip: bring lollipops in your carry-on. That way you can nonchalantly offer one to the loud-ass kid next to you, making yourself his temporary hero, and thinly masking from his parents that you are, indeed, stuffing a pacifier in his mouth.
• After what has seemed like days, I’ve finally made it to London. Rough start to this trip, but after a nice 9 hour layover here, and another red-eye tonight to Jo’burg, (15 hours I think!), I’ll be a zombie ready for adventure!

As always, adventure on!

Kristen